She had been fine for a while. She was getting better. The night terrors settling, the memories of him fading. She finally built up the courage to set foot in the town where she had lost everything.
She slowly walked through the park, running her hands over everything, remembering. It all looked very familiar; she had visited this spot many times in the last year. There was never any relief from this place, she saw it in her sleep.
She turned to face the old metal table in the corner. It all came back; the blood flooding onto the cement, the screams. She knew she shouldn’t have come. Tears fell from her glassy eyes. They slid down her cheeks and fell to the floor. Drip, drip, drip. She slowly looked down. Red stained the floor. She flew backwards, blinking at the floor. Nothing. “It’s fine. I’m okay. See, I told you I would come back”, she whipped around, almost falling backwards. There he stood, smiling down at her. His golden hair falling over his face. She froze. He took a step towards her. “We can go home now”, he smiled. She began to shake all over. Trying to calm herself down, trying to grip onto reality, but just like everyone else, reality was her enemy, and just like everyone else, it watched as she fell apart. She looked at him, tears pouring down her face. This was worse than all the other times combined. This was just too real.
She shook her head in an attempt to make him go away, but he still stood in front of her, smiling. His white shirt not blood stained, leather jacket not torn. She took a step back, her back almost against the table. Although half of her knew this wasn’t real, it was still like a knife through her heart when she saw the hurt in his eyes. His head turned to face the floor in shame. “I’ve hurt you, haven’t I?” he asked quietly. She stared at him in silence. This isn’t real, this isn’t real she thought, trying to convince herself. She wanted so badly to walk away but a little part of her was still clinging onto this moment. “You do remember me, don’t you?” he asked, pained. All the air was knocked out of her then. She felt more salty moisture slide down her cheeks. “I remember everything” she stuttered. He smiled and raised his hand to her cheek, wiping away the tears. Just like every other time, she felt nothing, and just like every other time, it killed her even more. “What’s wrong?” he asked, stepping back, confused. She wanted to tell him everything but she couldn’t find her voice. She really wished she hadn’t come back here, but it was way too late now. She was forbidden to remember, terrified to forget. It was a hard line to walk.
She watched as his body started to shake uncontrollably and she couldn’t take it anymore. Without thinking, she turned and ran. He called out to her but she didn’t stop. Stop. He needs you she heard from all around her. It was as if the trees were whispering to her. She continued to force herself forward, almost tripping on all the roots hugging the ground. “Stay with him Bella” they whispered. She stopped abruptly. “Just leave me alone!” she screamed, turning in circles, not sure where to aim her screaming. That’s when the whispers became angry. “He needs you!” they hissed.
“I don’t care! I, don’t, care!” she cried.
“Constantine, Constantine, Constantine” they chanted. She put her hands over her ears, trying to block out the one word that had the power to rip her apart. She began to run again, hands still over her ears. The chanting became louder until it no longer resembled whispering, but yelling. She crouched on the ground, head in her hands. An ear-piercing squeal escaped her lips. The chanting stopped. It was replaced with only the sound of birds chirping and the wind fluttering through the trees.
She lifted her head and looked around, breathing heavily. She was finally coming back to reality, slowly, but all it took to end it was one single thought. The blood, the screams, him. She dug her finger nails into her already deeply lined wrist. She leaned her head back, trembling. When she got back to her feet, it didn’t take long to find him. He was standing near the edge of the steep cliff face that extended along the west side of the park. He seemed to be looking over the edge at the piles of rocks that lay hundreds of metres down. She didn’t say anything, she just watched him. He picked up a stone and threw it off the edge, smiling. She didn’t notice she had been walking towards him until she was so close, she could reach out and touch him. He took his hat off, holding it to his chest. She smiled. He slowly turned towards her, his eyes harsh and cold. “Admit it. You’re waiting for something you know won’t happen” he said, staring her down. She clenched her jaw, willing herself not to cry again. “Why can’t you just let it go?” he asked, annoyed. Her breath caught in her throat. She could never just let him go. The tragedy that happened that night would never disappear from her mind. Her body quivered. If this was how her life was going to be, she didn’t want it anymore. “I wish I could”, she almost yelled. He tensed his jaw, as if he was in pain. That’s when she saw it; the blood soaking his shirt, his leather jacket ripped and torn. He slowly looked down and stared for a few moments before a smile spread across his face. “I guess this is goodbye” he said, turning and walking away, leaving her standing there broken. She slowly walked to the edge of the cliff, not looking down. She took a deep breath. She couldn’t cope anymore. It was killing her. She finally looked down. “Angels can fly” she whispered, before she let her foot stretch out into the void.
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Australia • 23 years old