CAKE OF THE LINE

CAKE OF THE LINE!

It was my Birthday, but I’m not sure which one!.
Mum had planned something special for me. I have never had a party just in honour of me, perhaps this is why this particular time stands out for me to remember, as if it was only just yesterday. (incidentally, I have never even had one since, not even for my 50th, which I suppose goes a long way to show, exactly how much I am loved, or in this case, unloved!)
Sad ain’t it?. I must be the only one living, whom has only ever had one birthday party in his, or her honour, I bet every one of you lot have…..whats it like to have them annually?.
Mum asked me a few weeks before, what I might like for my tea on that day!.
“I would like a Cake in the shape of a battleship!”.
Was my quick reply, or words to that affect.
I loved ships, I still do!. They seem to have a Ghostly mannerism about them, especially the tall ones. Some even scared me at times, especially when seeing them for real!.
“Then why didn’t you join the Royal Navy!”,
I can imagine you asking under your breath!.
You may well ask!, the simple truth is….. I don’t know!!.
Perhaps i should have, instead of the Royal Air Force!.
“We’ll see Roy!”.
She said, then said nothing more until my big day came. I was given Thunderbird 2, which
is part of another story yet to be told to you!, which I promise to come to a bit later on.
I ran home from school excitedly, as boys do!. No sooner had I put my satchel down, my mothers hands were over my eyes, temporarily blinding me, then carefully she guided me into the living room. I could smell cigarette smoke. My evil uncle was in there to!.
“Oh no!”.
I secretly thought to myself, for reasons that are obvious to you now, or should be, providing that you havent skipped a few pages to save time.
Funny, in my excitement, I don’t think I had noticed his Step-through outside.
“Surprise surprise!!”.
Everyone shouted, as mum removed her hands. I almost cried in pride, and awe, as there on the table, on a silver based plinth, decorated with blue and white ocean breakers, made out of icing sugar, was the best cake that I ever saw.
It was a beauty, I could feel tears of joy in my eyes, it really was a Battleship!. Perhaps not so much a Ship of the line, as they use to say, but a Cake of the line, which I find more appropriate to say.
It was about 2 foot long!, roughly Twelve inches high!, and about 8 inches wide.
The whole sponge body of it was coverd expertly with Battleship Grey fondant icing strips. The Arsenal of Guns were those Chocolate finger straw like things, with Brownish and Dark coloured Smarties as port holes, the deck was made out of crumbled Chocolate flakes!, it looked so nice, and of course it was much to good to eat. To me it still is a work of art, and had it not been edible, would belong in a Naval Museum.
“Oh please don’t eat it!”.
I pleaded. Looking like daggers at my uncle!, but he just grinned, and picked up a knife.
Mum stopped him momentarily.
“No…. its his birthday…..its his cake”.
We ate everything else, which was more then enough for us, I just didn’t want my cake touched…well not right then, by them. I didn’t understand the meaning of selfishness then.
It must have cost her a lot of money, especially in those days. Nowadays’s I reckon the exact same cake would cost well into the hundreds of pounds, if not more!.
Although I didn’t like my uncle, for obvious reasons, that day he seemed to be behaving himself. He couldn’t have his way with mum, as there were too many other people there.
We put up with him gate crashing my party!…..But then the bastard went and blew it!.
I watched in horror, as this Bastard with a capital B, took up the knife again, and cut off part of the whole Bow section, and crammed it all into his fat greedy gob, instantly smugly laughing with his mouth over loaded with my cake!!….my Battle-Ship!!.
But I wasn’t laughing!. I was screaming. I was sure that he was the first, and only person that I ever wanted dead, if not before, for what he had already done, then most definatly now. And he wasn’t even invited to my birthday tea, as usual, he just turned up!.
Mum managed to calm me down, but I couldn’t save the Bow section on my once beautiful cake. He laughed showing me it inside his mouth. It was hideous.
She told him off, and made him leave, he did in a huff, good riddance to him, is what I thought. But it was too late, now mum was hoping that my lovely cake would choke him, as he rode off on his bike, and I was hoping that I would never see him again.
The only birthday party I ever had, and it was wrecked, by the biggest home wrecker that
had ever drew breath. Personally, I think he was jealous, and I’m sure mum would sooner have invited the Devil himself long before him……me too!!!.

EPILOGUE!
About 3am the following morning, my mum awoke to strange sounds coming from the bathroom of all places. She pulled open the door, only to find little me in the bath water, surrounded with the remains of what was once a beautiful cake. I had taking it in there for its maiden voyage, but it had gone down in a Gooey mess, almost straight away.
“It wont float now mum, with that bit gone”.
I said innocently, believing what my uncle did, was the obvious cause. My mum laughed and cuddled me, and put me back to bed then kissed me goodnight,
“Happy birthday Roy”.
Mum loved me, unconditionally!, and right to the end of her sad short life.
I still love her to, and that is equally unconditionally!.
The End....(For Now!)

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