Failure

I regret being a failure. Even though I have done good deeds, the bad outweighs the good.

My ex used to convince me that I am a child of God and have done so much for my family.

Well, he is not around to convince me of my triumphs. I tell myself not to look for his praise. I cannot fully trust him anymore. He is a dissapointment.

I sometimes feel that I have reached the end of my rope. Not sure I can continue in this state without causing physical harm to myself. The excessive stress, worrying and anxiety can lead to a stroke or heart attack.

I try to meditate, and I pray. But, It is a constant battle that I am losing. I need help but don’t trust meds. They have side effects. Counseling is ok but it doesn’t solve anything. I tried going back to work but that presented other issues.

Perhaps, at my age, it’s time to throw in the towel. Not sure about anything - other than the fact that I am battling depression and am fearful of not being able to survive.

I realize that I can only do so much, but much is required. Well, I’m certain that I did all I could for my family. I have done more than I could afford to do. Now, in my sixties, I am still struggling to continue to help, but need help myself.

I keep asking myself what can I do to change. I know a few things I need to do.

To be continued.

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