Farewell

“Farewell” I may have said it to you many times but I never really meant it, I said it because you didn’t feel the same way and I had to let you go as if by saying it I was affirming the idea in my head that I am over you and finally letting go. But then you always managed to find your way back in or I always managed to find a way to let you back in every time convincing myself that this time will be different that maybe this time you will get to see what I see or maybe this time you changed your mind or I could make you change your mind but it was always the same scenario the same ending the same disappointment the same heartbreak and the same resentment.

It feels like I was giving you a chance to break my heart again every time yet you always held a special place in my heart and i always thought of you at the most random times and in the most random places and the thought of you always made me smile. I remember everything you tell me I remember every minute of our time together I remember it all and I always remember you. You don’t know how many times I hold the phone wanting to call you but then I put it away you don't know how many songs I always wanted to send you and tell you that this is how I feel but then I stop listening to it and you don’t know that everytime i hang out with a new guy all I can think of is why he’s not you. There is something magical about you I believe. My friends always told me that they don’t understand what I saw in you or why I’m so hung up on you and I never knew what to tell them because I don’t even know how to answer that. I know I see something they dont see isn’t that how love works? But love is also blind. I still have this image of you in my head that’s just wonderful that makes me believe there is more to you that makes me believe that you are much kinder than you cat that beneath this cold exterior lies a heart of gold a beautiful soul a caring heart and a very loving person And I guess after all these words that were left unsaid, after all these rejections, after all these failed attempts and after all these heart breaks, I just got cold and silent. I would have preferred you gave me the chance to say all the stuff I wanted to say knowing that I have a whole book about you inside of me instead of shutting me off because that made me loathe everything about you and wished I’d never met you that summer day.

So this is my final farewell to you; your lesson is learned, your chapter is over, the page needs to be flipped or torn and I need to start over. But I wish you knew how much you meant to me and how you made me feel. I wish you knew that no matter how broken I was, I was still willing to fix you. I wish you knew so many things, but now when I think about it, I don’t think it would’ve mattered to you. If you didn’t know it all along then you never will. Even though you will always be the one that got away, I am glad now that you got away, you belong there — away from me.

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