I hated my past.

This is all true.

My story is very upsetting and some of you WILL take it to heart.
So listen.

I'm 13, yeah bit young for i to write a sad story about myself.
But anyways,

It's my 2nd year of high school. I'm loving every bit of it.
But, there's something wrong about me... Something very, very wrong.

I'm not like my friends at school.
Im much different. Unique, but in a bad way i guess.
I've learnt a lot about life already, and man does 'IT' kill you.

Ever since i started 8th grade, everything has gone.. DOWNHILL.
I'm a loving , nice and generous person , but there's a lot you don't know about me.

I try to hide my feelings. It works... Most of the time..
Prepare for what you are about to read.

April, May and June.
Worse 3 months of my life. I tried to be happy. I tried so hard.
Those 3 months?
Yes. You guessed it.
DEPRESSION.

I have cut myself 4 times. Numerous slashes each time. I don't care how much it hurt. It was me. Emo.
They bled uncontrollably, it stung. But it made my emotions better. For a bit of time. Then it came back. The adrenaline was kicking in and i wanted to cut myself again and again.

Cuts..
#1 losing one of your best friends. Over a stupid boy.
#2. The first boy i fell in love with. True love. He loved me back, BUT...
A few months later, he told me he didn't love me anymore :(
It literally tore me apart. My dad was even worried sick.
#3. I felt worthless. Being told you had nofriends. Being called a bitch. IT HURT!
#4. Thinking back at the pass and saying to yourself, 'yeah thats me. Its what i do. I dont care how much it hurt. I hated the past , i'll never forget it though. If haters want to hate then be it.'

Everytime i was crying at school, my friends would check my wrists to see if it was there- CUTS
Through those 3 months, i met a boy. We became so close, told each other everything. EVERYTHING.

He is the most important person in my life. Well.. WAS.

One night. I told him i cut myself. 3rd one. I promised i wouldn't do it again. I said that for #1 cut :/

I felt stupid, worthless and alone after that. I broke a promise... Or should i say..PROMISES.

I AM SORRY.
You'll never fully forgive me though.
I pray to God that you do but.
I fell in love with you.
I knew how disappointed you were... You were mad. The look on your face when i told you, it TERRIFIED ME.

I thought you were going to hit me.
I felt cold and dark. I knew i had lost you.
But i hope you're greatful i'm still in the world today.

And to this day now, he has fully forgiven me and i know now not to do anything because i know what effect it has on other people.
I prayed to God to help me and he did

The hardest thing was, telling my parents about it. I finally felt free. I didnt have to hide my wrists from them anymore.

i love everyone in my life.
My family the most. <3

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