Another of your stories slightly spoiled because you do not take the time to CHECK it before submission. It is a really bad habit...

As for the story itself; there is an element of repetitiveness about it that is slightly off-putting when reading through it. I understand that you are trying to convey a sense of indecision and emotional turmoil in the piece, but (for me) it doesn't quite hang together successfully. Not that it's a bad piece of work, just not as good as it could have been in my opinion.

Your writing has come leaps and bounds from when I read your first submissions. I still think you need to stop rushing when you write. You also need to look at dialogue punctuation. This is how it works:

"I love you," he said. <- A comma when using dialogue tag (said).
"I love you." He embraced me. <- Capital letter and period when using an action tag (embrace).

This is still a vignette and not a whole story. But it's always good practice so keep it up!Read More