in an other life

“no wait if I’m not going to see in for a long time there’s some things you should know I’ve liked you for a long time Jason and I know I have a boyfriend but kiss me” I felt so silly saying things I dint even know if Jason liked me . But he leaned in and I met him half way gave me a short sweet kiss looked at me then said “don’t tell Kyle” I laughed and shook my head
He dropped me at home , I went right to me bed sat there and cried I had just cheated on my boyfriend with my best friend , I had a date with Kyle that night and it was getting late I thought I better get ready I had a quick shower and put my new blue dress that Jason had helped me pick out on . got a message from Kyle “hey babe I’m at the gate” right this was it not more sad faces we went out for dinner and then a movie and after that he took me to the place we first kissed held me tight and said “babe I’m so lucky to have you , you the most awesome girl in the world I don’t know anyone who can get on with my family and friends , make me happy ,you smile though the sad times keep me strong Beth I cant see my life without you , will you please make me the happiest man on this earth and marry me ?” my first thought was the afternoon with Jason , I started to cry . My feelings for Jason were strong but I loved Kyle or did I? I nodded my head and said “yes” he put the silver ring on my finger and hugged me
He spent the night with me that night in the morning he woke me up by tickling my arm “morning sunshine , I was thinking lets tell Jason and our parents today” my thoughts to that were Oh great I have to tell Jason ahh let me sleep please . “Ok il phone Jason and we can go for coffee and tell him then” I suggested
“Jason hi its Beth I have some news for you would you like to met Kyle and I for coffee later today?” I asked in a not so sure voice
“um I would rather it just be us Beth I have something to tell you and iv been thinking about yesterday …”
“so il see you there” I interrupted him and hung the phone up .

I got ready for coffee putting water proof mascara on just in case I cried , which was likely and off we went , Jason was not there yet so Kyle and I got a table and waited for him . Jason walked in 10minutes after us and sat down
“so what’s your news” he asked us
Kyle jumped at the opportunity to tell him “Beth and I are getting married”
Jason just leaned back on his chair and dint say anything till I kicked him under the table and then muttered “ oh um congratulations and put on one of his fake smiles got up and walked away he dint look back just kept walking , Kyle and I looked at each other I wanted to go after him but Kyle held me back and said “he needs some space babe”
I kept phoning Jason the hole day but I always got his answering mashie . At about 5pm I got in the car and went over to his house, the door was unlocked so I walked in and shouted “Jason ! Where u ?”
I walked in the kitchen and checked the hole of down stairs I went up the stairs and walled into his room there he lay on his bed a gun in his right hand with one bullet hole in his head in his left pocket I could see what looked liked a letter I walked over gasping , I couldt even cry I was in such shock . the letter had my name written on it I opened it up and began to read it
Dear Beth
You have been my best friend for 5 years now I introduced you to Kyle and I have regretted that day , every day for the last 3yrears now . I have loved you since I met you I just never knew how to tell you or how to show you , I have always feared that I was never good enough for you , but when we kissed yesterday I thought things were going to change but I was wrong I know you love Kyle more then you could ever love me , but if I cant have you then there really is no point in living anymore . I know you would have tried to stop me which is why I have done it this way . Beth all you need to know is that no one will ever be good enough for you in my eyes which is why if I cant see you any more it will be ok . no one will even hold you in their heart like I did . I hope you and Kyle are happy .
All my love and I mean that
Jason
A thought of picking up the gun and shooting my self crossed my mind but I couldt I knew he wouldt have wanted it I put the letter in my bag and stumbled out the room shaking.
Now 15 years later I still think of Jason every day if only he had told me how he felt maybe thing would be different , I wouldt be divorced, Kyle never would have left me and maybe just maybe In another life I would be Jason’s girl , and he wouldt be the one that got away .

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