In Search of Ben

By mudswimmer

Of many internet searches, the strangest of them all are the ones involving 'boy', and I think that I recall
on a list of popular terms, it was ranked at thirty three and opened a Pandora’s box as puzzling as could be.

A host of boys and models, smiled at me from the screen, in general, they seemed happy and didn’t look obscene.
There were links to many websites with names like teenboysweet and I even found a site that was devoted to their feet

Some had kids in uniforms studying at school. It was hard to imagine how that would make one drool.
And lots of boyz in speedos were playing in the sand. It was almost reassuring that nude images were banned.

The folks that hung around these sites would have the weirdest names. Like Babelfish, Soldier, Uncle Bill and Cousin James.
I spotted Brother Cedric and dear old Father Time and hoped that none of them were any relatives of mine

There was Cory from Missouri, who didn’t sound too bright. He signed off all his posts with “Oh Lord, let there be lite!’
But who were all these people? What color, creed or race? They hailed from every corner of the globe - or outer space.

One could learn a foreign language while surfing through these sites: Hübsch!, Gemütlich!, Dieser junge ist so heiss!
Some comments were amusing and some were rather rude, the moderators could delete those that were too lewd.

Requests were fascinating, the most frequent of them all was for boys that would be shirtless - not nothing on at all.
I racked my single brain cell till it began to hurt. What was the attraction of a boy without a shirt?

A master at the orphanage in charge of pastoral care had abused so many of us; some are still beyond repair
And then I noticed those who posted most of a collection always seemed so keen to stress the need for child protection.

On fotokids a member asked if others were turned on by photos that were taken of themselves when they were young.
Replies just flooded in and you’ll have no need to guess that the overall response was a loud resounding Yes.

Then boyzworld had some news about a boy, I’ll call him Ben, who had died in a car crash while driving with a friend.
That Ben was very popular, it cannot be denied for messages of sympathy poured in from far and wide.

With Ben’s face staring at me, I reeled as from a blow, reminded of a friend at school so many years ago.
A happy kid, full of fun, the things we did enjoy. A tragic death, an accident, he’ll always stay a boy.

Now you would think that Ben’s sad news would leave someone upset
and any images of him, that they’d stored on the net,
Would soon all be deleted, but this was not the case for even more were posted of poor Ben’s cheerful face.

He seemed to turn up everywhere from one site to the next: Hübsch!, Gemütlich!, Dieser junge ist so recht!
And as I checked those other sites, I wondered if I saw other boys like Ben who now were lost for evermore.

Abandoning this desperate search, I left that awful place and sat at my computer while the tears streamed down my face.
That night, awoken by a sound, I saw a boy like Ben standing by the window, but it may have been my friend.

I’ve racked my single brain cell till it began to hurt. What was the attraction of a boy without a shirt?
But even more important, it really must be said. What was the attraction of a boy known to be dead?

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