Killing Time

Entry 1 - I am writing this on the 1st of May, 2010. I love my girlfriend, she means the world to me. I would be in such a rut without her. We met last year on Halloween. We had gotten stuck together on several different occasions. The haunted house, the hayride, a few simple carnival games, even a paintball game. I went home with several bruises and a girl's number. Ever since that day I've always looked forward to Halloween. It was that reason that made me love it before then I didn't care much for it. Oh, I think she's back. I'll write again when I have the time.

Entry 2 - It has been a couple of months since my last entry. Life has been fine, a little odd by fine. I found myself working as a night-shift security guard while Liz works for a late-night bar. Just glad we get to see one another throughout the day besides when we get ready for bed. We got a little companion to keep us company around the house. We bought two kittens; one we named Stormy, and the other Liz called Zap. We are also thinking about getting a dog but aren't sure if we have the money. I told her not to worry about it. But yeah, nothing huge has happened so far. Damn is it that early? I have to get some sleep.

Entry 3 - I am writing this on Halloween. Well, more like the morning after Halloween. Liz and I were out all weekend at Salem, let's just say that place is wild around this time of the month. People protesting against those celebrating Halloween calling them satan lovers and shit. They even tried starting a fight with some people that were dressed up. Don't know how you can live with yourself looking for a fight just cause people don't believe in something you do. Plus my brother almost got hit by some drunk guy while we were heading back to our cars. And I have work tomorrow. I'm gonna leave this here.

Entry 4 - Damn a year has gone by? It does not feel like it. Well, I'm still working the night shift as a guard. Finally, I bought that dog we wanted a few months back. I had a guy try to stab me a few nights ago. Hopped up on some drug, kept asking the workers if they had any. Nearly stabbed one guy who had a smoke in his mouth. I showed up in time to take the guy down but he nearly caught me with his knife as I wrestled it from him. I'm tired. Liz should be home soon and I wanna see her.

Entry 5 - So, another year went by. I quit my job. Figured getting a gun pulled on me once or twice was a sign. Liz got fired from her's. Some assholes wouldn't stop harassing her so she put them on the floor when they got too close. Think we are gonna wait for a little before searching. On another note, my friends say I should write a whole lot more to help me release some steam. Liz even said I should find some hobbies to keep myself happy. Not sure why she'd say that I have some already. She's also been saying I should go talk to a therapist as if I am ill or something? I don't know, for her sake, I'm going to see a therapist tomorrow. Buddy of mine hooked me up with a free session so I owe him one for that. Least that's what I told him. Oh, I almost forgot. I surprised Liz with an engagement ring. She said yes thank god, yet, it seemed she had a surprise as well. She was also pregnant, I'm going to be a dad!

Entry 6 - Where to begin. It's been a good few months since my last entry. I'm seeing a therapist a couple of times a month. I got a job as a bouncer at a club Liz has been working at. She's the bartender so I get a few drinks with her now and then. Stormy and Zap are finally getting along with Max, our golden retriever. I've also been diagnosed with depression which I knew I already had, though having three people die while you were out back talking to your boss makes you feel a bit worse about yourself. Some guy was making deals with a few people and didn't like being crossed so he shot up the place killing some innocents as well as the people he was dealing with. Haven't been taking that guilt well. Our son has been helping me though, by making me focus on taking care of him and Liz. I promise I'll get better.

Entry 7 - I swear I'm not sick! Why does everyone keep insisting I'm sick or as my therapist says "mentally ill," like what the fuck. I let almost a year slip by before writing this. It is almost Thanksgiving and I could care fuck all about it. Ethan has been growing well though, it's because of him that I'm so stressed. I love the little guy, don't get me wrong. He just yells so LOUD. I swear earplugs wouldn't even help. Look I've gotta go help Liz get everything ready for thanksgiving. I'll write when I feel the need to.

Entry 8 - Huh. It has been a few years since I last wrote. I'll just keep it short. I stopped seeing the therapist, Ethan is growing into a decent kid, and Liz and I are at odds with one another. We needed the money I used to pay for therapy to help with bills so I stopped going, Liz didn't like that too much. I've told her I feel fine which I do. I can't write anymore, I'm done.

Entry 9 - I've gotten worse. I can't hide how bad it is anymore. I've been nothing but toxic towards Liz and Ethan. When I'm in the right mind I tell her I understand if she wants to leave me. I don't want either of them to be around me, they don't need this in their lives. She refuses though. God, I love her but, I still can't help it. I've spoken to a doctor and we set up something to help me with this, Liz isn't going to like it though. I've got to go pick Ethan up from school.

Entry 10 - If you are reading this then I've either died or been sent away. It is the 24th of August, 2018, Ethan's birthday. If this is Liz or Ethan reading then know I loved you with all of my heart. It was nothing you two did that made me end up here. Shit happens. Take care of one another for me. Now, if this is me reading this. You need to know you were wrong the whole time. You were-are sick, you have been this whole time. Everything our friends and family said is true. We needed help, we just didn't want to believe it. You need to stop lying to yourself and understand that YOU ARE SICK. The faster you do that the sooner we see our family again.

Author Notes: The last entry was six years ago.

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