Love Hurts

A worst experience I will never forget. When you love too much, you’ll get hurt triple or more.

March 20, 2017, a tragic event which I and all the people around me never expected to happen. This day was a usual day. He texted me his morning routine message, took me from home to my school, and took me home again. When we arrived home, he asked me to go with him to the near city to get the mixer from the technician. There was no strange act. He was sweet. I hugged and kissed him while he was driving going to our destination.

When we enjoyed conversing each other, he asked me to take snacks in a refreshment parlor. I thought it was just an ordinary date that we used to do before. I felt nothing but happiness to be with the guy I loved since 2013. After snacking, I craved to eat “Kwek-kwek”, one of my favorite street foods. I bought some and went back where we were seated. He was so silent and all I did is to browse my phone and checked my Facebook notifications. A moment later, he broke the silence and opened the serious conversation.

“How long have we been together?” he asked.

“42 months.” I answered.

“Do you have planned for us?” he replied.

“Yes. I’m looking forward to be with you forever, get married, and spend the rest of my life with you. Why are you asking me like that? Are you going to propose or are you going to break up with me? You, do you have plans for us?” I answered and asked confusedly.

“I plan to finish my master and doctor’s degree, payback my parents” he answered. He didn’t mention anything about us.

“Sir why? Are you going to break up with me? I asked him again while teary eyed.

“I knew something. I opened your Facebook account and read everything, you and Lantz conversed about for quite a long time” he narrated.

“Yes. I knew that you opened my Facebook and you read everything since 2015. You have screenshots with our convo but you never dared to open that up with me. Everytime I asked you when was the last time you get jealous, get mad or get hurt. You always answer me, NO. How were I able to determine if we were still okay?” I explained.

“Is he sending you money?’’ he asked.

“Yes, for help.” my quick answer.

“I was insulted.” he said.

“For what? I never did anything. Lantz and I were very good friends. He sent me money just for help and nothing something special. Yes. He admitted he liked me but he knew how much I loved you. He even told me that he will be coming when we will be married soon. There was nothing special between us but only as close friends.” I explained.

“Every time I saw you looking at your phone, I thought you were chatting with Lantz.” he said in jealous tone.

“So what’s your decision now?” I asked.

“I have here with me a letter I wrote a month ago. Inside this letter were the things I can’t explain” he told me this while handing the letter.

I refused to read letter and told him, “Don’t treat me like you ex-girlfriend because I’m not your ex. I never cheated on you. My whole world revolves around you. I won’t read that letter. We have talked now. Whatever you said tonight will be your decision. So what’s your decision?”

“Maam, let us just focus on ourselves. I will focus on myself and you will focus on yours. Anyway, if we are meant to be, we will be together again. I don’t want to take revenge and hurt you like I did before with my ex’s” he answered.

When he uttered those words, I felt like I was stabbed with a sharp knife a thousand times. There was big fist blocking on my heart’s artery and I started catching my breath. I really wanted to cry but at the back of my mind, I convinced myself not to cry in front him. I kept myself in control and still being calm even if it really hurts deep inside.

“That is your decision? Okay. I will accept it but always bear mind how I cared and loved you.” I told him.

“What can you say?” he asked.

“I don’t have say or explain something. Just chat Lantz what were our status together and why is he sending me money. Do you still have something to say? I will go home now” I answered.

“I will send you home” he said.

“No. I will go home on my own” I answered.

I left him with my heart in intense pain. I walked like floating on gaseous space out of mind and out of my soul. I arrived home like nothing’s happened.

“Where is Gaw?” my mom asked.

“His motorcycle got flat tires” I answered.

I proceeded to my room but still on a cloud 9. The sudden break up hadn’t sunk in yet. I still couldn’t believe that it happened. I never cried. My mind was just floating. In a moment, I texted him again and asked if the break up was real and he said it is for the better. The pain went deeper. It sucked me to my whole nerves. But despite the pain, still I didn’t cry. Hours passed, I still couldn’t sleep. I changed my sleeping positions but dizziness didn’t strike me. Three in the morning, I was still awake wondering if the sudden break up will be changed. But sad to say, it was so real and everything had changed in a glimpse.

I slept for a half hour and woke up at five in the morning which was not my usual waking hour. I made myself busy printing some stuffs just not to think the painful happening. My mother woke up and moved down asking why I woke up so early.

After printing, I asked my mother to tell dad to send me to school.

Mother said, “Where is Gaw?”

“Gaw is gone, Ma” I answered while bursting in tears.

This was the first time I cried in front of my mother over a guy. My mom hugged me so tight to give me comfort and hadn’t asked any question. I took my bath and went to school. I arrived there so early. I was the first to arrive. I found the good time to cry. I sobbed so hard, very hard. When Madam Vivian arrived, she saw me bursting into so much tears. I couldn’t breathe when she tried to shake me to get myself back. My school head and co-teachers arrived and asked why I cried so hard. I told them what happened last night and sympathized me feeling the greatest heartache. They comforted me so I might not sob anymore. But worst was, I kept on sobbing and tears won’t stop rolling down from eyes. I stopped sobbing after 5 hours. However, it was still hard to accept the fact that HE WAS GONE and also, the usual things we did before were suddenly gone, banished forever.

After that painful incident, tears rolled over my eyes. Palpitations triggered. Confusions started to pop up on my mind. Hopes to restore the three year and a half were aspired. Longing to be with him again was expected. And these acts of moving on lasted for three months. Yes. Three months. Three months was enough not to feel the pain. Three months was enough not to restore a relation which can never be yours again. Three months was enough to stop hoping, to stop crying. I decided to accept the painful break up and started over.

The saddest part in life is saying goodbye to someone you wish you spend your lifetime with. Sometimes our hearts need more time to accept what our minds already know. I have learned that happiness starts from the moment we learn to accept things that are not meant for us. Cry until you’re running out of tears. That’s a sign of being strong. Always feel the pain until it hurts no more. Stand still and move forward. There’s more to explore about life. It may be unfair sometimes but it will always be wonderful.

Now, I have completely moved on and currently in a very happy relationship. What I have learned from my painful past is that time heals and God is preparing something, the BEST for us.

Author Notes: Never regret that you fall for the wrong person, instead be thankful because it gives us the chance find the best for us. Thank you for the lesson. I have found the man for me. :)

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