This is Pain

By loveless

I guess the action all started a year ago. When I signed up for school, I didn't know what I was in for. All I had in my head was how popular I was, how beautiful, how smart...etc. And the funny truth was that I was popular. Everybody wanted to be with me, hang with me, chat with me. I let it get to my head, not knowing how much this was going to cost me.

It's funny of how much a person can change within a year. Goodness knows I changed so much. My family's starting to feel it. They don't like it, they keep telling me I'm different but...Let me ask you this: Do you (or anybody else for that matter) want to be different? I'm sure the answer is a definite NO. So I didn't (and still don't) listen to them.

Continuing...In a year I turned my whole life upside down, tried to commit suicide twice, and scared away most of the people who adored me. This VERY brief summary doesn't even cover one thirds of what happened in the past year.

I guess my story is going to be very similar to other teenager's story. BTW, I hope it doesn't bore you.

I could feel my popularity sinking to an all-time low. It scared me. A lot. Too much for me to consider NOT doing something about it. I just HAD to do something about it. But what I did only gained back some of my long-lost popularity and I know will NEVER get me back the rest of it.

I changed myself, my personality, my way of life to be like everybody else. I acted funny, crazy, stupid sometimes...And it got me part of what I wanted. But I wasn't satisfied. I had to do more. I needed to do more.

So I turned to boys. Love has always given me a very important feeling--a feeling that I treasured. I didn't know what I was doing and, now ,when I'm writing this, I confuse even myself. Needless to say, it didn't do me any good.

I sat back and started thinking. I came to a conclusion. I needed to settle with one boy and only one. I juggled my options, wanting to pick out who was the best for me. And I fell in love with a boy that I thought I'd never be with. There was just too many differences between us for me to even consider him.

When I realized I could actually love him and stay faithful, the only possible course left (for me), was to be his girlfriend. A typical love story. But, like so many others, my story doesn't have a happy ending.

I started a little habit of my own to spend Saturdays and/or Sundays with him. My parents were a bit of an obstacle because I had to obtain permission from them to go out. The problem is, they didn't know I was going out with a boy. So I started spinning a web of lies. I would ask my parents if I could go out to the mall with some of my girl friends. Preferably, girl friends from another school.

So a few months passed in this fashion. I'd lie, get to go out, come back home (most of the time, late), but my parents never noticed anything. Until one day, I had to call my dad to take my home from the mall. My phone had no battery so I had to borrow my boyfriend's phone. That was one of my mistakes. I should have used a payphone instead but I didn't want to bother with it.

He had my father's phone number and he could call my dad anytime. But I made it pretty clear that if he called my dad, everything would be over. I trusted him with it.

But then one Saturday, I skipped tutoring and went out with him instead. I tried to lie to my parents but, by now, they'd become suspicious and went to the tutoring place. When they called to ask me where I was I told them, "I'm in a taxi coming home." Needless to say, they were rightfully pissed off and told me I'd better come home within the next 10 minutes.

During the next few days my parents took away all my rights they'd entrusted me with. No more outside excursions with any of my friends, no phone, no computer, no blah blah blah...Of course, they'd found out about my close relationship with my boyfriend and put an immediate stop to it. A few days passed.

Then one day, in my classroom, my mom came in a heat of rage. She slapped me around the head twice and told me to get my stuff and that I'd be going home with her. Confused and close to tears, I left with her, leaving my stunned and worried friends behind.

She then told me (or maybe I should say, shouted) about how my (now, ex) boyfriend had called my father, wanting to know if he could see me again. Now she knew that I'd lied to her all those times before in the past about how, instead of going with my girl friends, I'd gone out with him.

A day later, my parents had a talk with me. They said many things to me that day but the one that really got me was then my father said I couldn't listen to any more music. Music was (and is) my life. I can't live without it.

That was the day I tried to commit suicide. I got myself landed in the hospital. When I woke up I tried calling my ex with a phone I'd borrowed from a fellow patient. He immediately came to the hospital. When I saw him walk to my bedside, I remember smiling. But then my parents came.

Naturally, they were pissed. They yanked him away and started beating him around the head. Basically, they kicked him out of the hospital. I went crazy trying to help him but the nurses and doctors held me down and tied me up.

To be continued...

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