Trophies for Everyone?

You get a trophy, you get a trophy, everybody gets a trophy, is this the right way to teach our children? Whether the kid playing soccer ran around scoring goals, or sat at midfield digging holes,the real lesson is that they are all winners just the same, aren’t they? God forbid someone’s feelings get hurt, children shouldn’t have to deal with disappointment, or should they?

Aren’t graveyards filled with love lost and disappointment? Or are cemeteries loaded with I’m glad you’re dead penants and good job with dying banners? Lucy kept pulling the football out from Charlie Brown, such a great lesson in life, don’t you think? Don’t you also think that Lucy deserves an award for best bully?

Maybe if the Astros kept receiving trophies for participating they might have been as comfortable in their own skin as Hannibal Lector, and wouldn’t have cheated, wouldn’t you agree? Shouldn’t everything come easy for kids? Why should kids have to work or earn anything? Shouldn’t schools just hand out A’s like trophies to all that show up? So what if they can’t read, R. Kelly admits to being illiterate and he’s a great role model, isn’t he? So if you want your son to grow up like R. Kelly, put down the reading materials and keep engraving those trophies or would you rather medals?

And poor O.J., if only he received a Heisman Trophy for every year eligible, then he’d probably still be married, doing Hertz commercials and collecting rent from Kato, isn’t everything rainbows and unicorns when everyone gets trophies?

Why doesn’t everyone in the Olympics receive gold medals? Wouldn’t Tonya Harding been saved some humiliation if she received her gold for best orchestrated knockdown?

So America keep on handing out trophies as if they were Halloween candy and maybe the next versions of the Astros, Tonya Harding, and O.J. will make better choices and will reserve their spot on the victory stand of life because everyone deserves a trophy, don’t they?

Author Notes: Biting satire nibbling at youth sports.

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