Wanna Hurt Me

It was about four years ago, I had been very interested in some boy. The years were really rough, since I had just moved schools, and I had lost a couple of my friends. The boy was not someone I was expected to like, since my parents had always said I couldn't love anyone with "obesity".

This boy was my miracle, and I had fallen completely for him. I don't know why. He was not like any boy, I had sat next to him in class for this year. I thought my life was great, because even though my family practically hated me, I didn't let that get to me. I think I had fallen for him, more and more, I blushed when I talked to him, though I would hope he wouldn't see me. However at the same time I had good friends. Books always told me, if you have a boyfriend, you can never have friends, so some way you would have to work it out. My miracles and dreams were answered by an email from that boy I crushed on. He told me he liked me. My heart was pounding the moment I read the email. I thought my dreams were answered. I could feel my heart, I quickly replied I liked him back,and from there a whole new relationship started with him.

Social media had always been a thing at my school, all drama, and sophisticated beautiful pictures were placed online of my friends. But I was still clueless about my life. I had no idea about the cyberbullying could affect me the way it did at that time. My boyfriend had apparently been sending love notes to some other girls, and I couldn't believe it. I didn't move and do anything, I still liked him, and he was mine, I didn't care if he was loving some other girl. That brought me to start crushing on my neighbor, he and I had become great friends and I fell for him. This way, my ex could love the girl and I could love someone else. Till then, everything stayed smooth and nice, but then I told my ex about my new boyfriend. He was furious and swore not to talk to me. But really, I didn't care, because my neighbor was nicer than him.

One day, my friend opened to me about a hangout my ex, her, and another friend had started, I was heartbroken to see my ex talk about my neighbor, saying "inappropriate" things. I was hurt a lot, and plus my two other friends never helped they just watched my ex ramble about me for a long time.

I started to cut after that, my neighbor eventually moved, and I become lonely. I had lost my friends last year in a hangout and me liking someone else. I had been scared to restart a relationship. So I clung on to one of my friends. Her name was Sara (*Sara* is to protect the person's identity) and she also had started to cut. Another girl was hurting her, emotionally and both of brains had become very suicidal. My parents were completely clueless, paying attention to my sister, and all I had was a razor, my brain, and school. People thought I was lying about me liking my ex. They started calling me a liar, and really mean things. I got emails telling me to go kill myself and that I was ugly. I thought about walking in front of a car, my grades got worse, and my parents were disappointed in me. So one night, I walked out of my house. I left my razor, with five cuts on my arm, each bleeding like crazy. The cuts made me grimace in pain, but I was not going to stop. The night had become dead, but cars just moving along. Everything was normal.

I walked onto the street, the cars moving, so I sat on the street waiting for a car. And sure enough one was there and it nearly skimmed me. I gained a large gash on my forehead, and the car stopped. The person walked out of the car, and all I remember was flashing lights and a man looking down at me.

I remember my arm, and my head, both bleeding, I had almost died.
Still being hated on, I realized pain can't help you.

I remember loosing something. When I had gone to the streets I saw a boy, the same one I had loved for four months. The boy.
He was on the sidewalk. Then when I closed my eyes, he was gone. That same night, he had disappeared forever.
I missed him, but he caused this...

Eventually the police found him, but he was living with another family,
my ex was returned to his family, but still today I look at him and remember what happened the last year of elementary school.

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