What We Didn't Have

By

We didn't have a hideout

Just your house

Or mine

~

We never had "adventures"

Just fun

~

We weren't those fairytale kinds of friends, that shaped each other's worlds

But you still meant the world to me

~

Back then we still smiled

Your dimples

My grin

~

We set our expectations

Not low, but not too high

~

I thought I understood the ins and outs of you and i

It was never quite that simple..

..still don't know why

~

I'm floundering alone here

I'm falling

Through space

~

Inside I'm still the same

Just more confused

~

I thought the world was fairer

I thought the years would slow for just a moment

One small pocket

For us

~

Your words gave mine permission

To exist

To live

~

Your actions always guided mine

Along some surer path

~

The hideout that we didn't have

Might have changed our course

Adventures we skipped out on might have shown us how to force

Our hearts

To fly

~

But broken scraps of "what ifs"

Aren't wishes

Or wings

~

Regret can't overwhelm me

I'm too numb

~

The things I didn't say just might have saved you

Prevented

Prevailed

~

But holding on to "might" and "maybe"

Isn't strong

Enough

To fill the hole your suicide has dug inside my soul

Author Notes: Ps I know it doesn't rhyme

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