Where Did the Day Go? Reviews
I'm new to the sight...just joined this evening and thought I'd read a few stories. I think this story was very well written and your use of metaphor is spot on. I think it deserves more than 3 stars.
What could - and should - have been an interesting and entertaining piece of work was completely ruined by the constant repetition of the word 'day. that in itself was bad enough, but to keep repeating it in capitals is unforgivable.
There are times when, as a writer, you have to take an impartial look at your own work and decide if it is REALLY what you intended to produce. I somehow doubt that this effort is the very best work you have - or ever will - produce. It does have merit, but not in its present form.
I like it but theres one thing that disrupted the flow. It really gets redundant using the word day over and over again, since the story is basically about the day it can slide, but capitalizing the full word is what ruined it for me. I know you wanted the reader to focus on it specifically, but as I was reading and suddenly stopped by the one word over and over just kind of took me out of the whole story.