RELLY AWESOME!

awww. So sweet.

As for improvement, I don't think there's anything to address. Good flow of words, details, emotion, etc...

Keep up the great work!

this story is... wow. im speechless. from the first sentence i was hooked and always wanted to know what happened next. one of the best things i read on this site, honestly. keep up the AMAZING WORK!!!! :)))