United Kingdom • 63 y/o • MaleReviews Given
This is an interesting idea for a story. There are faults with it (punctuation, spelling, etc.) that with some careful editing can be corrected to make this into the fabulous story it deserves to be.
A good fun read. Thank you!
Sums up what it means to be a teenager in a few words. Clever and creative. I hope we see more of your work soon.
A very dour and downbeat offering. Many will relate I'm sure...
An interesting story idea. The first part of the story goes on a little too long to maintain reader interest... Personally, I am not sure that I would have put it at the beginning. Looking at the rest of the story I would have started it with the first three paragraphs after the dialogue opening, then inserted then exchange between Tom and his wife. Just an opinion, of course.
Take care with your grammar and punctuation: there are several instances of the incorrect word being used ('spend' for 'spent', for instance).
I hope we'll see more from you soon :-)
This is developing into an interesting story. Unfortunately the errors in the piece detract from its overall effectiveness. Please take more care with your punctuation. It is spoiling otherwise good work as it interrupts the 'flow' of the narrative.
"The way your smile can protrude any boulder."
Up to this line your poem was quite entertaining and interesting. This line, though, kills it completely. It's meaningless and silly...
An 'unwritten rule' of writing, especially poetry, is that if you have to 'force' the line to come, it probably isn't going to work. This appears to be the case here. However, the rest of the poem works well, which saves it from being a disaster :-)
This story was very close to being rejected on the basis of your poor spelling - again!
PLEASE CHECK YOUR SPELLING BEFORE SUBMITTING FUTHER WORK.
You have some good ideas for your stories, but I get the impression you are not too keen on properly developing them. They always feel a little rushed, which is a pity. This is probably why you leave so many spelling mistakes in them.
Take time to re-read your work. Have more faith and confidence in your writing skills and TAKE MORE CARE!